My daughter and I went to the thrift store yesterday. It was a rainy, gloomy afternoon and we just wanted to get out of the house.
My oldest child in her Halloween costume.
Note the dog has on her costume too.
My wonderful daughter can't have children. Her path was always to be a mother and teacher. Precancerous cells and a husband that didn't support her educational needs, ended both. So together we worry and fret over my Son's children.
Yesterday while we were shopping I was discussing with her my job hunt and the fact I had received an interview call but prior to that I had promised to go to my son's house in the afternoon to meet Granddaughter #1 on the school bus so the Grandson could go to drama after school for the start of a new play.
The Grandson has just gotten into drama this year although I saw it coming a long time ago and tried to get him into summer youth acting groups but he wouldn't go. Coulda, woulda, shoulda.
Anyway in order for him to go to after school activities someone has to personally meet the kindergartener Granddaughter after school. So I told the Grandson I would do it twice next week for him. Then...... the interview phone call came.
I'm not conceited although I do think that I might be offered any job I try for. I also think I will win every lottery I buy a ticket for and that there will be an upfront parking space just waiting for me when I'm running late. I'm not sure what that is, but I've got it.
Anyway, again, while the Daughter and I were strolling around the store I asked her what she thought about getting a job vs. helping with the grandkids. She hem-hawed more than usual without giving me a direct answer except that I haven't been happy with the last couple of jobs but that if I really needed the money then that was a need and not a want and should be taken care of.
I don't know if I solved it in my sleep or the fresh air and exercise from Buddy's morning walk helped me find the answer but here is what I came up with - and told my daughter to remind me if this issue came up again.
This morning two things happened that helped me answer my question about going to work vs. helping with the kids.
1. My children and grandchildren are, and have mostly always been, my hobby and what I did for entertainment. I would rather spend $15 on one of the grands than spend it at the movies, or a nice meal, or a nice NEW shirt.
2. Work has been my identity and source of accomplishment for many years. When you retire it is hard to let go of that. How many times do you run into someone or talk on the phone or internet and they ask you how is work going? Usually the answer is "so busy." So that is what keeps you busy in your mind and, if you are lucky, gives you pride in a job well done.
3. The money is going to run out sooner than later. I'm spending it way to fast - thank you Social Security for cutting my benefits - and I will end up living in someone's bedroom. Is that ok if it helps get Shaun into college? Is it ok if it helps Kaylee get through this divorce? Yes, definitely. I realize that it may not solve Shaun's lack of dedication to school work, but without trying, I'll never know if it helps, and is, therefore, the greatest job I've ever had.
So next time I am wondering which path I should take, remind me of these things. If, at that time, a different road is the right one, hopefully I will recognize that. If not, better to err in giving to my family.Sorry this was so long. I needed to write it to get it set in my mind.